well I can't set my house on fire every night
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
