Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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