There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
