I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
