it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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