It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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