i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
