Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
