life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
