First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
