six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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