I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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