Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
