did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
