I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
