Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
