i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
