Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
