people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
