please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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