I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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