so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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