Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
