We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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