drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
