walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
