what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
