the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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