im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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