is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
