he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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