this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize