Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
