We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
