ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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