i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
