where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
