Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
