he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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