Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
