he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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