i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
