This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
