I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize