My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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