According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
