you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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