dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
