So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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