dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
This is the high leading the old right now
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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