Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
