And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
