i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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