I looked at my own cervix.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
