11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
