i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
