I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's shark week go big or go home
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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