Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
