dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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