Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
