Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
