I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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