It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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