a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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