Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
