and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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