end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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