I want to stick my p in your. b.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
