He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
