They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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