definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
