the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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